Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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