Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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