he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
