oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Who put my cat in the fridge?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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