tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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