You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
