This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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