So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
