If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
