May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
