I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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