GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
