Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
