The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
