Duck Duck Cougar?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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