Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
