I got chris browned last night
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
