She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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