the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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