I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
