You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
