i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
