New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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