I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
