am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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