Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
