i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
