First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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