Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
