Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
