so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
