Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
