how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
