i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
