i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
