I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
