the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
