My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
