just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
