just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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