She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
