it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
