5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Randomize
