Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You took a bar mat shot.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
