At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
