The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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