fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
