I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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