I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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