Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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