Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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